i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
