im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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