I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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