I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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