The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
