Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
