So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
