Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She needs sedatives and a leash
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
