Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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