I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
