Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And the cops told us we were all naked.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
