Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
