I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
