Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
