last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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