I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
