Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Bring me that man meat
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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