we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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