toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
