hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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