Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
