i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
