Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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