The maid of honor just puked.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
