My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
