she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
