ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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