I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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