$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
