Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
