But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize