I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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