when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
