The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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