I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I came so hard my ears popped.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
