He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
sex in a hospital.. check
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
