I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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