Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
