Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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