i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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