The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize