i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
