If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He better not be in your backpack
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
