your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
