Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
