I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
