I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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