everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
