I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
