I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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