i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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