if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
