it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
