no. you can't hotbox the world.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
