I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
