the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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