3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
