I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
