My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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