Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
