I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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