They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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