Where are you?
In a non slutty way
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
