dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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