i need an iv and a liver transplant
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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